What is it about the wine drunk?
It seems to give you a pleasant euphoric buzz, yet isnt a lightweight champagne like high. It remains a solid and strong feeling that you can always seem to count on to give you that combination of both lift and relaxation.
Plus it doesnt overwhelm you, doesnt bloat you, and simply satisfies with vibrant taste. These are all qualities which make it a womans favorite go-to drink. Popping open a bottle of vino is the ultimate start to your evening of celebration, relaxation and washing away the troubles of the day.
Heres why wine is the ultimate type of drunk to go for:
1. It makes you feel classy
Your hair could be pinned up, your yoga pants on, and your t-shirt is hanging off your shoulder, but with a glass of wine in your hand, you are instantly classy!
2. Its technically fruit
The ultimate rationalization! Got to get those nine servings in!
3. Even if your teeth are purple, you still feel sexy
By the time your teeth turn purple from that strong red, the effects will be kicking and you wont even care!
4. And even if youre sh*tfaced, you still feel classy
No matter, a classy wine drinker remains the same after one glass, or one bottle!
5. You dont feel bloated the way you do after beer
No bloat is hugely important as it can be a total buzzkill. Wine keeps the bloat away and is a far cry from that dreaded heaviness you feel after even just a few beers.
6. The bartender can never f*ck up your drink order
Theres no messing up with one, only if he underpours!
7. Because talking about it makes you sound smart and pretentious at the same time
Just pick a few different wine brands and flavors, and your rap has been elevated to pure snootiness!
8. It serves as a great excuse to eat cheese
Have to stay away from that cheese, right? Well, the one exception is when your are drinking wine. Its a total acceptable out that you can rationalize and no one around your will judge, as long as you dangle that glass of vino, in your other hand.
9. No one will judge you for drinking it at 9 am on a plane
Not only can you get away with a lunchtime glass, but early morning on a plane is fair game as well. A shot of Jack? Eyebrows will raise. A glass of white? I totally get it.
10. You can drink it in front of your parents without them thinking youre an alcoholic
Wine has so many outs and this might be the best. A few glasses of wine trumps the alcoholic image with the sophistication image!
11. Drinking an entire bottle isnt frowned upon
After all, its only a few (large) glasses right? Downing a bottle is not a big deal and if youre sharing you opening a second is not uncommon!
12. Because one glass of red wine can be the equivalent of one hour at the gym
Boy, isnt it a great time to be a wino? With actual scientific studies which have come out stating all the health benefits behind red wine, including the infamous gym study, theres simply no shame in a winos game anymore!
13. Because it now comes in the form of ice cream
What? Yes, apparently there is now ice cream wine! Absolutely incredible.
14. It serves as the perfect excuse to stay in on a cold night
Theres no shame in telling your friend, Im just going to stay in and open a bottle of wine. Rather than brandish you for being boring, your friend begins to consider skipping the cold weather club scene, and staying in herself.
15. There is no better bait to convince a friend to stay in with you than with a bottle of wine
And if your girlfriend needs some prodding, offer her to on come over – a bottle for you and a bottle for her!
16. It doesnt matter if it costs $4 or $40 it all does the same thing
Despite all the snootiness surrounding wine, theres no discrimination when it comes to effect. That four dollar red is going to do the same damn thing as that 40 buck red. Granted, you are perhaps going to have an extra bite to your 4 bucker, but youre going to save some dough and still feel relaxed and pleasantly wasted.
17. The conversations you have while wine drunk are incomparable to any other form of liquor
Theres a reason many of the great writers were also winos. They could form their thoughts much better on wine and communicate them more clearly. If vodka was their primary vice, you would have seen a whole lot of experimental gibberish show up on their typewriters. This translates over to conversations which become much more interesting on wine, than the inevitable non-sense that a whisky conversation would bring on.
18. Slapping the bag counts as exercise right?
Good arm workout, right?
19. Its much more comforting than a food binge
You could consume an entire cake and a quart of ice cream, or you could have a few glasses of red. Choose the first option and it youll be bloated and feeling like crap!
20. Because you can have a glass or two on your lunch break and nobody would know the difference
As mentioned, its an acceptable lunch time beverage!
21. Its the best sleep aid you can get without a prescription
It will not only help knock you out, but it will be a deep sleep as well!